I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You've changed since you got that strap on
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
