You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
