Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
