Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
