The best revenge is premature balding
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
