every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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