Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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