with your own penis?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
