honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
