Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
