Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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