so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
