cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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