Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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