it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You were trust falling into bushes
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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