god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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