just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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