Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
