I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
