Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
