We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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