Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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