Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
