My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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