Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
