I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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