Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
