Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I love you. Go after that dick
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
