You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
