It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I party with great urgency now.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
