wanna go halves on a baby?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
