Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
