I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
