i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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