do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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