Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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