shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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