Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Damn victory sex feels great
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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