In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
