i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
