So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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