Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
