I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
