he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
