I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
