I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
