They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
