Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
