Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
