so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
