I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
