She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
