trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
