dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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