Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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